Sunday, January 31, 2016

Rant


If I'm being honest with myself. I knew you liked me and you knew I liked you but we were too chicken to define it, both too afraid to admit it. And so we carried on in limbo until it couldn't be sustained any longer. The careful balance snapped and you vanished. I resented your leaving, still do. How cowardly. But I still think of you. I wonder about you. I dream about you. Did you vanish to save me from disappointment? Who was I imagining you would be? Would you change for me and show yourself? I had kept my guard up with you... Though I tried to discard it! So I sent you bold words, sweet words. Sent them off to Silence. The best friend of Rejection. And so. I stopped trying. And my wondering became a disgust. A good riddance incantation to heal my bruises. I wanted to retract all of the compliments, any of the attention I gave you. Why do you keep me away? Are you afraid of me? Don't I fit? Don't you see who I am, see me? You do not. And you are too afraid to. You peer at me through the looking glass. My smiles my pretty glances my robust energy. You watch and you wonder. But you don't dare answer your own question. 
You're afraid of disappointment. You’re afraid that I don't see you