Saturday, May 24, 2014

Opportunities Taken

I ran across this beautiful quote today:

"...Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart." - Anne Lamott

It gave me pause and encouragement. I think back to all of the times in college especially, the supposedly most experimental and nilly willy time of your life, when I passed up opportunities to swim, or dance, or meet someone new, or indulge in a first kiss, all because I was insecure. I needed to be perfect first first. As though having a svelte figure before I slip into my swim suit and delightfully witty insights to add to the conversation before I engage that stranger were required.
What a fucking waste. 
But I do not take Anne Lamott's words as a call to live with regret nor urgency, but rather an invitation to release oneself from the pressures of perfectionism and perhaps, say "yes". Given that, it does not mean to live wildly or mindlessly accept all offers without consideration. Life is a continuous evolution of the body, mind and soul. It is a process,  a wondrous process. Saying "no" to an opportunity is passing on the possibility to evolve concurrently with your life. 

So here's to living, evolving, and biting into opportunities with your big smiling teeth.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Chalkboard Quotes


 New wall, new quote:
Pause today to clean your heart lens. 

Wipe away some of the build-up and behold the life in and around you in its perfect complexity from the infinite wisdom of this place.

Can you see the essential?

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Faithless

I’ve spent the past month looking for a new place to live and the entire experience has brought me an unwarranted amount of anxiety. Me, constantly on edge, wondering how it’s going to work out. Where I am going to live? Will I get this place? Will it be gone? Will I live with this person? My thoughts obsessed over possible outcomes. Worrying, worrying, wondering.

But then… As it so often happens, I had a beautiful revelation. 

I was experiencing a lack of faith. No faith in the process, in the wisdom of the universe, in anything. I was trying to control it all and feeling helpless all the while. The muscles behind my neck coiled tightly in a slow, deliberate squeeze. 
Until it came. Like a rush of sweet wind through an opened window I softened and released the clutching of my fingers.

It was then that I was able to reverse my telescope and peer at it all from a distance. The stem of my anxiety rooted from a lack of faith, but that wasn’t even true. It wasn’t that I was faithless. It was the opposite! I was being offered a gift; an opportunity to experience myself as a faithful person. And with a sigh, I melted gently into the warm, comforting arms of Trust. A swell of gratitude arose from deep within. To know myself as a faithful person - it feels like a gift indeed.


Friday, March 14, 2014

Shy

It is always at night that my brain begins to write. Composing paragraphs on my pillow.

The theme was "shy".


     

     A vision of my life emerged from the blackness in my mind as a shiny blue gemstone with many light reflecting facets.
The facets represent the myriad aspects of my life, the parts such as work, hobby, relationships and so forth. There are also threads that run through them gemstone behind the facets, linking them together. There is a thread names "shy". It is a thin, sinewy thread that weaves its way through the gemstone and pools behind the facets focused on relationships. I do not refer to friendships, but rather, courtships.
     If you know me, you would not say I am shy. You would most likely say the opposite. If you courted me, you would take my unrestrained propensity for flirtation as a sign of confidence. When I have your attention, I am engaged, and there is nothing more natural than the freely offered toothy smiles, belly laughs, and brushing of the fingertips across skin.
But if I have to try and attract your attention? If I have to decipher how you feel? If I have to decide whether I should lean in, take a step forward?
I almost always choose to take a step back.
You come to me. I am unsure, and I'm suddenly shy.
More often than not this inclination causes me to lose, to miss out on a possibility. This thread named shy is a thread born from a fear of rejection.
     So lately I've taken to asking myself this question: What if I WASN'T afraid of rejection? What would look different if I acted fearlessly?
The question offers instant liberation because it sheds light on the true reason behind the hesitancy - the belief that my self worth is diminished if I am rejected. It dispels these false notions. It stares into the broad side of the fear and sees the truth. I am free, worthy, and undiminished.



The thread of shyness muddles the brilliance of the gemstone. To act of my own accord, freely and fearlessly, the thread begins to loosen and unravel. Light pierces through and illuminates the gemstone evermore splendidly.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Witholding?


She peers up at me through big, glossy eyes and begins to tell me a story about her dog. I gaze back at her sweet small face and amused smile with frustration. She is totally stalling. She knows she should have already completed this math problem 5 minutes ago. 
She is my 3rd Grade student and I am lapsing into impatience.....


Sometimes when I get too close to things I fall into the hole of lost perspective. 

But fortuitously, I do always find my way back out.

There tend to be spaces or places in our lives where we withhold the love. This is a call for introspection and inquiry. Where are you withholding the love? Your feelings offer you clues. Know those areas of your life that inspire feelings of frustration, discontent, or perhaps anger? Look closely there. Could you be withholding the love? Could you open more of your heart and offer the person (perhaps yourself) or situation more of your infinite supply?

The effort of inquiry is most certainly worth the rich rewards.


Sunday, October 27, 2013

Just Act Natural




Do you ever find yourself going through the motions of what you should be doing? After work each day, I should go workout and for this, I normally go running. Now I should eat dinner, and for this I normally heat up some rice and veggies. Now I should call so-n-so or do such-n-such. It's a routine. A routine that might be widely accepted by conventional wisdom as an acceptable way to act, but not necessarily a routine that is natural for you. At least not everyday, or all the time.
What is natural for you? Are you called to go on a walk instead of a run? Are you beckoned to sleep with the windows open wrapped snuggly in a wooly blanket? Natural does not mean what's usual. It does not mean normal. It means living by the call of that inner voice that beseeches you to move, explore, and make merry as you skip along the path of life. To find an organic expression of the life that is so naturally and uniquely yours. Today, just act natural.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Chalkboard Quotes



You have a precious human life.

It can be tempting to reject our humanity. It's imperfect, and therefore we imagine we must move away from it in order to find the divine.
But....

Humanness is a gift! A precious offering to relish. True, it can be gross, uncomfortable, or weighty at times. Your soul floats in stark contrast to the physicality of your humanness, which can feel disjointing.

Today we the opportunity to embrace it in its totality. Perhaps take a pause and notice what shifts when the rejection of your humanness transforms into a marriage between your luminous soul and your sensuous physical self.