Friday, October 28, 2011

Decisions

(Image: Activegarage.com)

Indecision has been my biggest nemesis. My brain starts whirling a million miles and hour, analyzing the decision from all angles and agonizing over what the "right" decision would be. Getting out of my head and into my heart is a journey I am now taking on as I focus on listening to my feelings instead of my thoughts.
That being said.....
Yesterday I was faced with making the decision of whether or not I should take a teaching job at a school here in Austin. I have been looking for a position and I would get to teach Art and World Cultures, which sounded perfect for me! However, on my first day shadowing the existing teacher, I felt as though a serpent rose up from inside of me screaming "uh-uh, this doesn't feel right,....No!" These strong oppositional feelings to a position I believed I wanted sent me into a feeling of distress and failure. Why can't I find a job I love? Do I really have the luxury of holding out for something better? Are these feelings just confirming my indecisiveness and I should just Suck-It-Up?
To cut to the chase, I didn't take the job. To have accepted the position would have felt like punishment - it was wrong and I knew it - but for awhile now I have lived with this belief hanging over me that says I need to struggle in order to get what I want in life, and that work shouldn't be joyful. But have you ever considered that the idea that struggling and requirement in order to obtain happiness, financial security, and love is simply an illusion and not actually true?
Could you accept the idea that you already are loved without having to do anything? That you already have happiness, resting in and around you, poised and ready to be activated with your simple attention? Or that everything you need, right now, in this moment, you already have - without any requirements or demands asked of you?
These concepts can be difficult to accept because we are so conditioned to believe the illusion. But what if, even just for today, you could release the struggle, let go of the striving, and accept openly and deservingly all the joy, love, and security already available to you in your life?